Porn Creates A Burning Sensation

Porn Creates A Burning Sensation

I guess you should be thankful that the internet is around and you can jack off in the comfort of your own home. At least that way you don't run the risk of bursting into flames in a porn shop...

Man bursts into flames in San Francisco porn shop

A MAN caught fire Wednesday evening inside a San Francisco porn store and was fighting for his life in the hospital after suffering third-degree burns, KCBS-TV reported.

Arson experts said it was not clear what ignited the fire but police said the man had been watching videos in a private booth when the blaze erupted.

The man ran out the front door of the adult arcade "engulfed in flames" and was spotted by police standing across the street, a police spokesman told KCBS.

"He came out of the building already on fire," Lt. Kevin McNaughton said.

Firefighters, who luckily were only about a block away on an unrelated call, raced to the scene and doused the flames.

I know my mother always told me I would go blind if I kept doing that, but I never expected someone to become a flamer by doing it. I guess that's what happens when you rub it too hard.

Personally, I can't wait till This American Life covers this. Ira talking in a monotone manner about some S.F. dude jerking it till he catches on fire... it would be pure comedy. Then again, porn addiction is no laughing matter.

I'm sure the sick ones among us are asking if there was any footage of the event? Why yes, there was. Though it comes in the form of an old Spike Jones music video..



Maybe it was just another unexplainable case of spontaneous combustion. Or maybe it was god sending a message. Maybe lighting himself on fire as he reached orgasm was just his thing. Who are you to judge?

Then again, it was probably a simple matter of maybe you shouldn't smoke a crack pipe in a porn shop.

I could add something new to the list of things you should never do in a porn shop... freebase. I mean, freebasing at a porn shop has got to be the point in your life when you've hit rock bottom. Though I'm pretty sure that jerking off for hours on end after smoking meth has got to be some sort of new experience that I will never know the pure joys of.

Ted Haggard said:

I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does--Mike taught me this--crystal meth makes it so you don't ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time.

Maybe this drug addict and the flamer at the porn store have some knowledge to share with all of us. Drusg may be the best way for a male to achieve something like a full-body orgasm. The kind that you really can't stop yourself from making a lot of noise when you're having.

For what its worth, I'm partially wondering if that's what a female orgasm is like every time they have one. And if so, I have to admit that I'm pretty fucking jealous of it.

And while we're on the subject of that sort of thing, I realized that it's a bit sad and unfair the way men are vilified for employing a fleshlight or a sort of real doll for use in masturbation when the sex experts laud and encourage such behavior in females. In many cases I'm pretty sure that said porn shop that the human torch ran out of probably had a shit ton of 12 inch black rubber dildos for just that very reason.

In any event, you probably shouldn't jerk off to the point that you're literally on fire.