Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Final Countdown

The Final Countdown

Well, here it is. It's time for the final countdown of the decade...

Good fucking riddence. The 00's, or as I described it in the decade in review post, The Naughts. You see, Webster gives the following definitions for Naught: 1."nothing"; 2. "the arithmetical symbol 0"; and 3. "insignificant." As an example, Webster offers "his efforts had gone for naught."

I doubt many will dispute this fact that this decade is insignificant and this decade has gone for naught. But then again, this isn't the first decade that has sucked and it wont be the last. For me, at least, the last decade that sucked as bad in my three decade experience was the 80's. You may disagree with me, but then you'd be wrong. You see there's only a certain amount of people who thought the 80's didn't suck:

-wall street tycoons
-shoulder pad manufacturers
-CIA cocaine importers

Anybody with the slightest bit of responsibility or a shred of social conscience thought they were the beginning of the end.

The 1980's was basically like the 2000's in every way except worse. The only comfort I can take from that shit of a decade where the rich gleefully pissed on the poor, was that I was born at the start of it, so I don't remember a good half of it due to my earliest memories not really sticking till about age 5-6.

I thankfully don't have half of that decade stuck in my mind. No memory of the gap between the rich and poor and other measures of inequality climbing. SDI and other cold war bullshit, funding death squads in the third world. The support we gave to Saddam, etc. Ah, good times.. good times.

And who could forget the union busting and the war on labor, tax cuts for the rich.. again, deregulation - which lead us to where we are economically today, The war on drugs... ha.. yeah... , the mentality that "greed is good," more millionaires and yuppies getting wealthier while the bottom 3/4 of American families continued to get the shaft harder and harder.

There is literally nothing positive to say about Reagan or the 80's in the US, other than that he might have made some white people feel good about America again after Vietnam and stagflation and the malaise of the 70's

But hey, at least the 80's gave us some great television shows that were... sadly bastardized in the naughts by turning them into feature length movies. I mean, Miami Vice? Really? Music in the 80's was pretty snazzy. I still rock to the flash back lunch/weekends that Kroq never does, but sadly Star 98.7 does.. What did the naughts (oo's) give us? They gave us Linkin Park.

Fuck this decade.

This should have taken you twelve minutes to read, thus I just pushed you over to the new year. Happy TWENTY-TEN

P.S. Please say it exactly likethat because then we'll seem like we're in the futuristic lame sci-fi Friday movie

2009 Dead Pool Results

2009 Dead Pool Results

At the end of 2008 I made a dead pool list of people who I thought would be.. um.. dead by the end of the year. It's a simple game, really. You pick ten people who you believe will not make it to next year and then you wait. If those people die then you simply subtract their age at death by 100 and that's how many points you get for them. It's really a morbid game when you think about it. But then again, the way that the media treats our Celebrity deaths, it's really the only way I know how to deal with it.

When you look past the sick rules and way you play this game, you can see that there's an incentive for not picking the very elderly. Th younger the person, the more points you're going to get for their shocking demise. When as picking people who are old and already have one foot in the grave will be will be good for a couple of points, but you're not going to get much for them. It's really a game of numbers.

Here's my list from last year;
Hugh Hefner
Roger Ebert,
BB King,
George Steinbrenner,
Amy Winehouse,
Mindy Mcredy,
Patrick Sawyze,
Ted Kennedy,

Larry king,
Barack Obama.
I went with the easy ones, as you can see by my point total;

Patrick Sawyze was 57 worth 43 points
Ted Kennedy was 77 and worth 23 points
My grand total for the year was 66 points.

To be perfectly honest, that's a lot better than how I did the year before. I suppose at this time we should take a look at those who have past. Most recently we have Brittany Murphy... who I have to admit I had a huge crush on her. Even more than so in Clueless than Alica Silverstone. I mean, she was the "nerd" of that group and let me tell you, nerds are hot. Then again, this all sounds like it's an illegal activity.. which necrophilia is in the state of California.

But seriously - Andy Dick, Amy Winehouse, and Abe Vigoda are still alive and yet Murphy is dead? Now that is a tragedy. I don't give a fuck about Michael Jackson. Let's talk about Murphy some more. Ever see the movie Ramen Girl? No? You should.

It really is an ironic masterpiece of film. The film premise is A white girl with no discernable skills or training whatsoever becomes a master of ramen maker. Ramen girl owns, it's like the next karate kid except about ramen and even more fucking orientalist.

Ok, not really. But still, you need to respect someone who took their career choice and moved it into that direction. That's a whole lot better than Michael Jackson. Fuck that douche. I'm not even going to give it much attention here because it's already received 4 million in media promotion. Most of all, I'm bitter that I had to work on that mess.

Most of all I'm still bitter that he wasn't on my dead pool list. That's almost 50 points I could have received for my dead pool list. That pissed me off to no end. Fuck you Michael Jackson. This just means I'm going to have to kick it up this year to another level and pick names that will actually have more kick to their step.So.. do you want in?

So here's your chance to get in on the TWENTY-TEN Celeb dead pool. Just post a comment or e-mail me your dead pool picks.. only limiting them to ten names per person or we get into some crazy math and keeping up those names is too much work. This should come in no later than January 5th or if a celebrity who is high profile enough dies before then, it doesn't count.

The people you choose have to be famous for more than just their death. So if someone is going to die soon and is in the news, they may not be allowed on the list if they don't have any claim to fame for any other reason. The winner will get $50 bucks and a special prize.

So go ahead and comment or put in your list of ten people and you're in. Besides, it'll be an easy way to do something truly evil and predict people's deaths. Boooyah.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Decade In Review

A Decade In Review

It's been ten years and even though my memory isn't the best as I reach my 30's, I still recall that at a party in 2000 someone said "You know, I'm feeling really optimistic about this decade."


How fucking stupid was I... er. I mean, they.. yes.. they were. Oh fuck it, I was the foolish fucktard who said that at that party in 1999. And no, to answer your question I did not party as if it was some Prince song. But seriously, this has been a fucking terrible decade. I'm so gonna get wasted on new years to usher a new 10 years of potentially less shit.

I'm having a hard time deciding whether the 00's have objectively sucked more than prior decades or if they all suck, but this is the first one I've been old/experience enough to realize it. I mean, just the name alone is a big signal that it was a big fat zero. We've had it for ten years now and we still don't know what to call it. You would imagine we would have come up with a name for it by now. They really should call the 00's the naughts because nothing good happened. The Double-Ohs! just doesn't do it justice.

No more wearing these stupid glasses as we now have a 1 where one eye goes.

In 90 years hisotrians are going to call us "The Zeros" then call the 2090's "The Heroes" for added insult. Fuck those dudes.. But I have to admit, they have a point. Don't get me wrong, the decade started out pretty good. There was the Y2K morons which I will never stop laughing about. Perhaps they were just a sign of the stupidity that was to come in this decade.

But in all truth, the 2000's had hope. I remember going to Comic Con in 2000 and was among those first to see the film short Rejected. Oh the memories of being in that late night audience seeing it and cracking up. That was one of the first years I booked my own room. Ah, to be 20 again and with the ability to do whatever the fuck I wanted to.

We're approaching a new decade. The 2010's.. First off, how the hell are you suppose to say it anyway? It's not like the 80's or 90's. What do you say about this? Other than this is the first time we actually say it like if it's in those futuristic movies by saying TWENTY - TEN. I just pray that the 2010's represent an era of perhaps unprecedented economic potential.... sadly it seems that thanks to James Cameron's Avatar, it's going to be a lot of potential for the giantess furry fetish artists world. Thanks a lot Jim.

If you haven't been noticing, all the media outlets are now in full gear doing their year in review, and even more so than that, they're bumping it up a notch and doing a decade in review for the 00's. Take this ever-relevant and hip Newsweek rating the top ten internet memes.

Which is a little odd. Dick in the box? Rick Rolling? Stuff white people like? Lonelygirl? Are you fucking serious? All Your Base is not on the top ten internet memes? How the fuck did that work out? What is this writer on? No strongbad? Pointless list indeed. Obviously, an expert on ten years of internet memes and the greatest of which was Lonelygirl15.....

I don't even get where this chick gets off. The 90's was so much better for the internet. Geocities was the peak of the internet. During the 90's it was the Wild, Wild West of the internet and it was awesome. Who cares if you had to make sure no one picked up your phone line or you're 56k modem would disconnect you from that bitching game of Multiplayer doom. It was the best of times, It was the worse of times.

The 2000's internet was all the green space that was bulldozed for an applebees and track homes. That's the best and only way to describe it. Someone should Goatse this bitch and show her how true internet memes really are. Let's face it. Goatse is not just the meme of the decade.... it is the decade. I don't know how else to explain how a once respectable news magazine is now reporting on two girls one cup. I really don't know how to explain it any other way besides we're all going to hell.

In 10 years time, there will be but a few of us who are financially secure enough to not be pressured into the United States Military service for the sake of its latest incursion into Yemen. And the people of that time will post on the future internet blogs calling that TWENTY-TEN's sucked. And in those blog post there will be a link to this blog and people will quote this sentence and talk about how eerily correct my prediction turned out to be and who the fuck is this Javier dude?

One day republicans will pass a law to put a stop to all these long confusing bills by declaring that the maximum length of a bill must fit into a twitter message. Just wait till you see a 140 character ratification to the constitution, bitches! Just wait till the US has to foot the bill for Social Security, Medicare, medicaid and China decides they just don't want to pay it. Yup, as much as I say the Naughts (00's) sucked,that moment is going to suck even worse.

Let's face it, I'm not looking forward to seeing VH1's 00's coverage. It's going to be a bunch of dick in the box jokes and then it'll get serious when 9/11 comes around. It'll avoid the entire section were the banks screwed the American public out of money. But let's take a look at a couple other milestones just in this past year;


That swimmer dude who won 8 medals. Michael Stipe.



JOHN AND KATE - What else do I have to say?

The song of the decade has to go to Mellencamp, John. This is Our Country. General Motors Corporation. 2006, October 21....

In short here's your decade in review:

So it really does seem that the 2010s can literally not be conceivably worse than the 2000s. Can we just take a mulligan on this whole decade? Maybe we shouldn't waste it now. We should really see how the rest of the Obama administration plays out.

Let's retouch on the subject of Tiger Woods.... Tiger Fucking Woods... Can I touch on this because I really don't want to devote a whole blog to this fuck up. We get it. He's not innocent. He wants his privacy.. Guess what, if you like Golf so much and value your alone time, DON'T BECOMES A FUCKING PRO GOLFER!

I haven't been mini-golfing for at least three or four years now. But you know what, that's pretty low profile and a shit lot more enjoyable than real golf. Tiger Woods was a fool to marry young and most of all, to pretend that he had this innocent thing going on. Just be a fuck up. You're in sports, we come to expect it. That's why we admire these people -because they do things we can't. Be it from slam dunking from the free throw line, hitting that home run at Wriggly Field or banging every god damn super model you can fit in a phone book.

Let's take a look at the real bigger loser in this decade of naughts. The real loser for the decade as the recipient of the Douche bag of the year award goes to Joe Frances. Joe Frances from Girls Gone Wild seems to have been awarded the medal of being the biggest douche in 2000. To be honest, that award could have gone to a lot of people but Gawker gave it to him. But the story doesn't end there. Just to show how much of a huge tool he is, he's firing back and suing the website.
Francis apparently isn't denying his doucheyness, but he is seeving about these lines written in Gawker's post: "But this coked-out amoral direct-marketer (and a rapist!) is basically a zillionaire, various tax liens against him notwithstanding... Joe Francis! You have made the world a worse place! You have assaulted and raped!"

In response, Francis e-mailed Gawker owner Nick Denton. "You messed with the wrong guy. No one makes up lies about me and gets away with it," wrote Francis. "I lost a $10 million deal as a direct result of you calling me 'a rapist.' You will be paying me every dime of that back and more! Are you mentally retarded? Do your research first. I am coming after you harder than I ever went after anyone. I am going to wipe you off the grid!!!! YOU ARE DONE! I will take everything you have. You, Nick Denton, are truly the douche of the decade. Merry Xmas IDIOT!!!"

Francis attached a shirtless photo of him and then added: "I sent you an updated picture of how I actually look now so you can masturbate to it becuase you seem to be quite sexually obssessed with me."

Although Gawker's lawyer folk threw a punch Francis' way--"frankly, let's face it — given his chosen career and his actions to date, it would be hard to say that your client really has any reputation of social probity and standing to damage at this point, now does he?"--Gawker eventually added "alleged" to the rapist comment.

HA! As if someone could taint or ruin the character of Francis. By the way, that is one of the worse names you could possibly have and I have a very tough last name to say. Maybe I'm just repeating this story so that Joe Francis can possibly send me threatening e-mails to take off this report from my blog. Then I'll hit internet fame all the way! So Joe Francis, how was it taking it up the ass in jail as you met all those girls you video taped father's. I mean, why else would they pose on your videos if not for daddy issues?

But let's move on from the pseudo famous folks and get back to me. I've already stated that the 2000's (naughts) were not for me. Let's look at some of the low lights;

I lost my job because of a writers strike (note, I kept on writing)
The only job that I was offered after for some time was reality television.
I was wrongfully declared dead following a series of unfortunate accidents and woke up tagged.
Gore gave it up faster than a cheerleader on prom night.
Obama is a corporate whore just like the 99% of other politicians (no real surprise, but I had some bit of hope)
Governments allow the banks to walk all over the people by giving out 0% APR interest.
Hunter Thompson killed himself.
War on Terror
My Car was destroyed by overheating
My newer Car was destroyed in a terrible
Failed long distance relationships
Failed short distance relationships
My Grandmother died
My Uncle died
The Patriot Act

Hell, to add to the Patriot Act, we have Obama extending the ability and hand of the inefficient TSA after some douche put bombs in his underwear and got past all sorts of levels of security. Way to go, TSA. Just lucky he didn't bust his balls in the act.

As for the sound of the naughts? Yeah, the 00's were total shit as well. We have Eminem as the person who gets the "Artist of the Decade" honor. Mariah Carey, the she bitch who had the top honors in the 90's having the biggest chart hit two decades running; "One Sweet Day" with Boyz II MEN in the 90's. Have we ever seen a pop star's reign last this long? Even Michael Jackson and Madonna kind of stopped having big hits 20 years into the game. Here's the 00s Top 10 Songs:
1. Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
2. Usher featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris - Yeah!
3. Flo Rida featuring T-Pain - Low
4. Nickelback - How You Remind Me
5. Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling
6. Alicia Keys - No One
7. Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow
8. Mario - Let Me Love You
9. Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger
10. Timbaland featuring One Republic - Apologize
All the decade end charts are here But I really shouldn't bother because as you can see from that list.. I don't like ANY song on there. Thus proving that what I like is not on the same air waves as what the general masses enjoy. I mean, every single song on that list is utter shit. Maybe today is the day I know I am a bitter old man. But could there not be one single Radiohead song on there? Fuck that shit.

Yup, that's the kind of decade I've had.

Here's a comprehensive list of 2000s years where i celebrated new year's eve not thinking the previous year had been complete and irredeemable shit (and being right):
  • 2001
  • 2002
  • 2003
  • 2007
that's right. 2001 was one of the best years of this decade for me. So fuck you, 2000's, I'm not going to "ring you out." I'm going to stab you in the fucking throat and listen to your death rattle you piece of shit!

Either that or I'm going to get piss drunk and wake up the next morning to make pancakes with the naughts behind me and a new decade to look forward to. One that I'll have a new-ish car in. One where I will have a wonderful girlfriend, who seems to be the major highlight to the naughts. If only I found her sooner the whole decade would not have been a complete waste.

So there you have it. My decade. Not in any great detail. I'm sure if you want to know more about anything you would ask on a more personal nature.. or you'll pay attention to the future blogs as I think this coming year I'll be injecting more personal tidbits into my blogs.

One day before the end... Happy New Years

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Fox Vs Time Warner

Fox Vs Time Warner

Have you've ever watched a baseball game and hoped that BOTH teams lose? I get this feeling every time I see an Angels vs Yankees game. What can I say, I HATE the Yankees. They really are the worse team in the world. But even then, I have to deal with fucking asshole Angel fans a lot. So when I see that both teams are playing each other, I just hope that there's no winner and the stadium just blows up taking as many fans of both teams out with them.

This is how I'm feeling when I hear about the situation with Time Warner and Fox. As you may have noticed on the Television ads, if you have Time Warner Cable, it seems that Fox and Time Warner (a company owned by the same folks who own Warner Brothers, thus the WARNER) the two have been disputing over money and it has lead to the potential that come January 1st, you will not get any Fox stations on your Time Warner cable system.

In fact, fuck it. I'm not even going to host that ransom note image. I'm going to steal something from Time Warner's website. Ha ha, suck it Time Warner! (as I type this using a TW internet connection)

Pay Our Price or You'll Never See FOX Again

And Time Warner has sent this letter to it's users

Don’t Let Them Hold Your TV Hostage

At midnight New Year’s Eve, FOX has threatened to pull the plug on Time Warner Cable customers – withholding their programming unless we pay massive price increases.

We think they’re going too far – especially in today’s economy – and we’re glad you agree. Over 600,000 of you have gone to And, the overwhelming response has been to ‘Get Tough.’ With your support, we’re standing up to the TV networks to hold down the cost of cable TV.

We apologize in advance for any inconvenience and remind you to visit for the latest information on which channels may no longer be available as of January 1, 2010, as not all FOX programming is at risk in all areas. There you’ll also find a helpful guide to alternative sources for programming – so you can continue to watch many of your favorite shows.

Time Warner Cable is working hard to reach an agreement. We’ve offered FOX a reasonable price increase that protects our customers’ pocketbooks. But we are not giving in to excessive demands.

Don’t let them hold your TV hostage. Click here to visit now or call 1-877-267-1844 to learn more. Together, we can hold the line on TV prices.

Oh, we shouldn't let them hold us hostage? Unlike Time Warner, who in my area, is the only cable provider around unless you go satellite and thus are the only ones that could potentially hold me hostage. Yeah.. You can burn in hell Time Warner. Your service is beyond shitty. I got a call from them the other night telling me that my billing policy has changed. Why or how? I have no idea. But then again, I don't have ANY other land line options in East L.A.

Nope, AT&T cuts off the service about a quarter mile from me and because of their monopoly, Time Warner is the only game in town. I would love to get AT&T and take advantage of their Steve-O TiVo knock off. But I can't. So please don't play a pity party on me about Fox expecting you to pay more for the shows they provide you to show on the cable line.

I called my Time Warner customer support line and asked them about this and they told me that they didn't want to pass increased costs on to the customer that the channels were asking. I then asked them if they would lower my monthly rates if they did stop carrying the channels. It makes sense, doesn't it? If Fox is charging them a lot already and they no longer carry Fox, they should have the saved amount from it. After a long silence and some mumbling, they of course said that they couldn't lower my rate. So really, Time Warner, are you going to stick to that excuse cause it's obviously full of shit.

Hell, if anything, I suppose I should be on Fox's side. If they get more money then they'll gladly be pushing for more productions which means that I have more gigs to jump on to and line my pocket with. So when your Fox channel goes off at Midnight, at least you now know why..

Fuck off Time Warner.

Christmas Time Means More Muppets!

Christmas Time Means More Muppets!

When it comes to Christmas you should really figure out that the best thing you can possibly watch is The Muppets Christmas Carol. It was probably the peak of the Muppet era. I mean, have you've even seen the other Muppet Christmas themed movies/films? I'm a huge muppets fan and even I don't like to think about them. But here's something that the Muppets have done lately that I do care about.. A Queen cover!

But that brings to attention the Muppets in general. Maybe it's because of the over load of muppets that I watched growing up, How could you not love the political imprinting it caused on the youth. Oh the voice of good ol' Hippie Jim.

But then again, there was the dark times. Like the time John Denver crossed the line in the Muppets world.
LONDON- Popular singer/songwriter John Denver’s career is in serious jeopardy following his arrest Sunday in connection with alleged sexual relations with a female Muppet.

Denver, who as in London to tape a guest-host appearance on The Muppet Show, was arrested after an anonymous tip led authorities to his hotel suite at the Sheraton Park Lane, where, according to a police spokesman, he was caught engaging in "an act of illicit congress" with Janice, a Muppet guitarist with the band Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem.

Jim Henson, creator of The Muppet Show, said he is "deeply saddened by the news, if it is true," but urged the public not to rush to judge Denver. Henson did not say whether next week’s show would be canceled, postponed or retaped with a new guest host.

Speaking to reporters from his jail cell, Denver said, "I have no comment other than that I am innocent of any wrongdoing."

Denver, whose hits include "Rocky Mountain High" and "Sunshine on My Shoulders," will be arraigned Friday. His trial could begin as soon as October.

Janice was not arrested in the incident and is reportedly in seclusion.

Dr. Teeth, the leader of the Muppet band and a close friend of Janice’s, said Janice was feeling "a little down in the skin but basically groovy-woovy."

Teeth also said he is confident that any sexual act which may have occurred between Janice and Denver would have been 100 percent consensual. "Gotta cut out the fuzz, slack," he said. "The man and the Muppet have had the love bug since Miles Davis was Yards Davis, you dig?"

Another band member, identified only as the drummer, responded angrily to news of Denver’s arrest, flailing wildly and screaming incoherently while throwing furniture, props and this week’s guest host, Carol Burnett, around the Muppet Theater.

Ah, comedy! But let's be honest here. If that Why Can't We Be Friends didn't seal it, what about this next little Prop-protestin lobster youtube clip.

Now that's just great. I feel... like they're speaking my language. Then again, I mean that literally. Ah, to hear my culture's plight be told in the form of Lobster Muppets. Now that's something that makes me smile.

And while this next one ISN'T a Muppets thing, it still belongs here as it's a soft and cuddly moment and... well, maybe this sort of thing is something the Jim Henson should work on as it would make a great Muppet story... Besides that, it's pretty heavy on the Christmas side.

For some reason I just assumed that the dog suffered a spinal cord injury from being stomped on by the elephant. I mean, spinal cord injuries don't just happen....

Ah, the Holiday spirit!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Let's Talk About Whoppers

Let's Talk About Whoppers

Hey, do you remember when Burger King did that viral marketing thing where there was a fake chicken with lots of preloaded commands and it gave the appearance of being live because they taped the chicken doing hundreds of things and mapped them to tons of commands?

You do? Well, since it was such a great idea, guess what they did with it....

Look at her. She's wearing a bikini that is made to look like a burger. The only question you should be asking yourself is if you can get a double double with your order, laaaaadies.

Ok, that was creepy, but not as creepy as this whole promotion that is pretty much summed up as "Look at a hot girl sing while she takes a shower.. with a bikini on." Yes, you too can watch this girl sing in the shower if you CLICK ON THIS LINK

This whole thing really fits in with the Freudian breasts <-> Buttocks mentality. I mean, she has buns on her tits. What the hell is up with that? I mean, it's advertising... so any publicity is good publicity. Hell, this story alone just brings more attention to this breast/burger campaign and now you are aware of Burger King's latest venture by my journalistic integrity.

The scary thing is that there was some sort of huge push to find the perfect girl that will be singing in the shower while you conduct your male gaze on her;

In a nut shell, this is Burger King UK's campaign promoting its new breakfast. How does it promote breakfast since she's wearing a hamburger top? I do not know. It's marketed as the world's first guilt free showercam. Opposed to those ones you feel bad about when you are looking... right?

But this brings about a whole lot of new questions about one sexuality and relationship to food. I mean, Food porn does have a new meaning after this. I don't think I ever saw a pair of tits and thought to myself "My, I could use a nice hamburger right about now". Maybe something is just wrong with me or I'm not normal, but the whole idea that tits are buns doesn't ad up.

Ok. Maybe I lied. I mean, we constantly call tits Melons, right? But that's different. I don't think I ever got a melon at a fast food joint. I can't even remember when the last time I ate a melon was. What this does do is make me feel like there should be a balance here. We get to see some boobs, be it in burger form, why not do something for said boobs?

Don't get me wrong, I like boobs. I get sad when cancer takes one or two away from us as a society. So perhaps this Holiday season instead of buying trinkets for people, why not donate something to the National Breast Cancer Foundation ?

Point / Counter Point: Vaccinations

Point / Counter Point: Vaccinations

While I get on a soap box with just about every blog post I create, there's sometimes when I really don't know which side to shout about. With Health Care and just about anything the republicans say I know where I stand, but what about those other issues were it's not black or white? How do I rage against the machine in those situations when I can't even make up my mind on where I stand with them?

That brings me to the a very hot topic item these days. Vaccinations. In this blog post I'm going to try to come down on this issue from both sides and actually have very little bias towards either option... Ok, who am I bullshitting here. You know I'll eventually call you a moron if you both didn't and did get a vaccination for the N1H1 Swine flu, so who am I fooling here?

Well, who ever it is, I would like to take a crack at offering both sides with a Point/Counter Point perspective on why some are opposed to it and why others are all for it. I'll try to provide reasonable and stomp out the unreasonable aspects of each. Will I be unbiased in my opinion? Are you a new reader? Of course I wont. But that's not to say I wont give it a serious effort in trying to play this one down the line as clear and rational as possible.

So let's get it on with this round of Point/Counter Point: Vaccinations

Counter Point:

Many have claimed that vaccines have for a long time contained dangerous substances like mercury, and formaldehyde as preservatives. As well as containing immune-suppressants in order to make it harder for your body to fight diseases it self forcing you to go to big pharma for care. So why is it Vaccine culture has become so main-stream? The answer is obvious, the media is in bed with big-pharma. Billions of dollars are made vaccinating our children.

Don't believe me? Watch this, and maybe you'll play into the fear mongering.

OH NO! That girl was training to be a football cheerleader??? what a loss to the world her disability caused.

How about the classic prevention of exercising and eating right? Sure, it can't keep smallpox away, but what Pharam company do you work for in pushing your needles? All the Counter Point is saying is that the people who rely on flu shots have underlying health problems that don't seem to be the average norm. Best to keep the limited supply of flu shots for those who can't handle it. You know, those "worthy" of the cure considering how incredibly scarce the resources are to produce it.

What next? Are you going to want me to chug a glass of flu vaccine every morning? If you're young you're likely not going to die from the flu, so stop crowding out the old people who actually need it. Even if you're a 24 year old who works in a public school, toughen up you big wuss!

How about you shut ins? Who needs to vaccinate themselves when the only outside contact you are making is to pick up the mail and get the door for the pizza delivery in between WoW raids. Even if the problem is about spreading it to a bunch of people, maybe by not taking the shot away from gramps, he could be prepared for it better. Besides that, protecting old people in any way is counter revolutionary. If they die, they die. One less mouth to feed off of my social security. Fuck the boomers!

I was listening to a talk show guy broadcasting from Santa Cruz and all these callers called n thanking him so much and wishing he would stress the vaccination issue more and he said he does try to stress it a lot and never vaccinates his kids and other callers would call in and tell their horror stories about their poor children and about how the state tried to force vaccines on them even though one of their children had a terrible experience with them. Why not just tell me that I should vaccinate my child for diseases that afflicts whores and drug addicts.. What are you saying about my child with your words?

Then there's the idea that vaccination causes autism. Jenny McCarthy said it was true, it has to be true! Did you know that nasal mist contains a LIVE virus. If you get the nasal mist you will spread the LIVE virus and you know what that means.. OUTBREAK! How dare the CDC be so stupid in providing and sending out the LIVE virus in a nasal spray when even I, a dumb internet blogger, would know that LIVE viruses are dangerous.

It's kinda nice that people forget that smallpox was completely eradicated from the western world by mass vaccination campaigns, to the point now that it's actually a risk again because no one has had it for so long that no one is immune. Way to go, Vaccinations!

Then there's the even bigger trump card reason to not get it. The #1 reason people shouldn't get the flu shot is because of the fear of Needles.


I know plenty of people who didn't get vaccinated and then they caught autism and measles and then they died. Being against vaccines is like being against fresh clean water or sewage control.

Think of it this way, half of the old people who get the flu shot don't even develop a primary immune response and have completely diminished pools of immature lymphocytes. So by you not getting the flu shot and preventing it from running around all over the place, you basically killed someone's grandpa.

If you seriously think that vaccines are some kind of government tool to control our minds and that one in a million side effects are just reason tp not vaccinate for concern then you are totally fucking retarded. Remember this asshole

This douche is Andrew Wakefield, who claimed in 1998 that the MMR vaccine caused autism. Turned out he fixed all his data and lied about the entire thing to give his theory credibility. as a result, immunization rates in the UK dropped to the point that it was possible for the diseases to spread and, surprise surprise, more kids were horrifically affected by Measles and Rubella that would of possibly been affected by autism, even if the study hadn't been a total sham.

Basically Vaccines are a integral part of our society and anyone not taking them or refusing them to their kids or relatives is basically a murderer.

My facebook is typically filled with mothers that are posting anti-vaccine stories and videos. Those mothers are fucking morons and they more than likely get offended by my blog post daily. You're basically asking how you can ensure that your child will die in the most ironic way possible.

Hell, the whole argument about the vaccine being unsafe is silly. The rare side effect has very little to no chance of effecting you. In fact, your drive down to Wendy's for a baconator causes more of a risk to your health in terms of risk of crashing your car being higher and increasing the chances of you getting some heart disease. I guess it will be nice to have all the humans go extinct from measles. No more worries about global warming.

Hmmm, then again, I think I do support whatever percentage of the population not vaccinating that will cause the xtinction of the human species as quickly as possible. It would solve a lot of problems.

The mercury in the flu shot line's a good one. Try telling people that part of water is deadly, deadly hydrogen which obviously makes you far more explosive when ingested. Ah good, a clinically insignificant amount of mercury bonded to a organic molecule this is totally going to kill you outright and cause pain for the rest of your life and not the horrible brain damage caused by meningitis or whatever it is you didn't get vaccinated for like a worthless cretin.

P.S. They haven't used mercury preservatives in vaccines for years now and either way you shit it out in about a day. The seasonal flu vaccine I got this year contained mercury-based preservative. The mercury-free alternative is available for $5 more. I eat enough tuna so I'm immune to the whole ways of the Tuna sandwich.

By the time the vaccines are ready for use they are preservative free even though the organic mercury containing preservative thimerosal was used in part of the vaccines production it has become so diluted during production that there are negligible amounts of it left, if any at all. Also, the mercury in vaccines is ethylmercury which doesn't even bioaccumulate but hey I'm no Jenny McCarthy or her autistic son Evan so I don't desperately need to blame my child's awful depressing life on something someone anyone anything so... It will turn out that jenny mccarthy's kid has fetal alcohol syndrom

The average flu shot has 25 mcg per 0.5 ml dose. An average infant can safely have 187.5 mcg of ethylmercury during its first six months. By this rate a can of tuna should have given us all autism if that was really the case. One of the basic principles of medicine dating back to the damn 16th century that still winds up being true is;
"Alle Ding' sind Gift, und nichts ohn' Gift; allein die Dosis macht, daß ein Ding kein Gift ist."
(All things are poison and nothing is without poison, only the dose permits something not to be poisonous.")

I think Paracelsus wrote it but either way it's still true. Cyanide is a medicine in certain compounds. Just because something contains a mercuric compound doesn't mean it's poison. If you don't get vaccines you should be legally forced to live as a 1400's English peasant, that's how stupid you are.

We here in the US still use chicken eggs to manufacture flu vaccines. Europe must be laughing at our 50 year old technology as they produce flu vaccine by the pound using genetically engineered animal cells to produce the necessary immune factors. Shockingly, it is safer because it avoids the possibility of allergic reactions to chickens.

But yeah, every European is bankrupt and dead due to their universal health care, I read it on Fox News, it has to be true. Our free market is at work! Even russia has better vaccine production capabilities than the U.S. I mean, we literally suck at everything except making bad food worse for you and killing brown people in new and inventive ways. With morons like this in charge, I wonder how we stayed alive for so long.

So lets see what we have boiled it down to;

-Cons of vaccine:
-Walk backwards
-Get autism

-Not get disease
-Big titties

I think the pros have it. So go out and get your goddamn flu shot already you fucking morons!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Bringing A Gun To a Snow Ball Fight

Bringing A Gun To a Snow Ball Fight

Winter is all about one thing.. fun with snow. HA! Yeah, I forgot, most of you folks reading this are in Southern California and while we're only about 40 minutes drive from snow, who in their right mind goes directly towards it during winter? No one. That's right.. But I have news for you.. I'M IN SNOW!! How the fuck did I end up here in Lake Arrowhead during the winter? I don't ski and my total lack of abilities to drive in the snow should mean that I would very well be dead.

This is just a bad cop....

I mean, even though this seems to be the first time I actually throw a real snowball that I remember, I have to say it's not worth drawing your weapon for. Maybe if one snowman was attacking another snowman with their blood, that would be a different story..

But it's not the case at all. That cop must really have some pressing issues to have to carry a gun into a snowball fight, let alone pull it on anyone. Poor baby must have had some war flash backs. But in all reality, getting hit with a snow ball really does hurt. It's like getting hit with an ice cube tray. Okay, not THAT had, but still relatively hard enough.

But still, this is really a first for me to go up to snow for Christmas... immediately post christmas festivities and I'm pretty excited about it. Not to mention pretty damn nervous about it.. But still, I'll be having a blast. Here's hoping that you're not still stuck in some line at Wal*Mart returning that generic gift you received. I'll toss a snowball for you.

Poking The Idea of Needle Exchange

Poking The Idea of Needle Exchange

A couple of weeks ago in a quick post about pot getting a victory in Washington D.C., I mentioned that the bigger news story in that piece was that there was going to pass a law about needle exchange. That it was more important than the whole pot stuff. I got some feedback in that people were still opposed to it. I had to stop for a second and realize that there was still any sort of backwards place that would be opposed to this.. I still don't know if I can believe it. I mean.. really?

It shocked me to no end that there were people like this one fucker on Freeper who had this to say on the matter.

Freeper on Needle Exchange Program posted:

I prefer the Darwin method.

Joseph Farah posted:

So why all the clamor for this new cause du jour? It comes down to the worst kind of political pandering to a tiny special-interest group. Sure, everyone can feel better about themselves for allocating taxpayer dollars to needle exchanges, but, ultimately, it's nothing more than misguided, phony compassion. There's nothing caring about swapping needles. It's another example of symbolism over substance. But it's even worse than that.
This idea is the natural extension of the condom distribution scam. The same activist groups promoting needle exchanges continue to insist condom giveaways are the best way to safeguard people from contracting AIDS sexually. In both cases, however, we are not treating the root problem -- namely, irresponsible behavior. In fact, we're condoning it. Just as anal sex, with or without a condom, is risky and potentially deadly, so is drug abuse -- with or without clean needles.

How can we justify taking even one dollar away from research into finding a cure for AIDS and spending it on such reckless fantasies? Let's face it. In this age of deficit spending, there's a limited pool of federal money available for all health issues. If some local governments in New York and San Francisco want to experiment with wacky ideas, God bless them. But let's not force the rest of us to subsidize their Kevorkian- style madness.

The needle-exchange lunacy is evidence that our society is losing, not only its moral center of gravity, but its ability to reason -- to think logically and respond rationally to political, social and medical problems.

Let me give you an analogy: You see a guy playing Russian roulette with two bullets in the chamber. One bullet, in this case, represents the imminent death a drug user faces from organ failure or accidental overdose and the other represents the dangers of contracting AIDS. This policy is the legal, moral and practical equivalent of, upon finding such a person, removing one of the bullets from the gun, giving it back to him and saying, "OK, continue your game."

Is there any individual -- let alone society -- who wants that on their conscience? Not me.
now, read this:

Department of Health and Human Services posted:

Since the AIDS epidemic began in 1981, injection drug use has played an increasing role in the spread of HIV and AIDS, accounting for more than 60 percent of AIDS cases in certain areas in 1995. To date, nearly 40 percent of the 652,000 cases of AIDS reported in the U.S. have been linked to injection drug use. More than 70 percent of HIV infections among women of childbearing age are related either directly or indirectly to injection drug use. And more than 75 percnet of babies diagnosed with HIV/AIDS were infected as a direct or indirect result of injection drug use by a parent.
In February 1997, Secretary Shalala reported to Congress that a review of scientific studies indicated that needle exchange programs "can be an effective component of a comprehensive strategy to prevent HIV and other blood borne infectious diseases in communities that choose to include them." She also directed the Department's scientific agencies to continue to review research findings regarding the effect of needle exchange programs on illegal drug use. The scientific evidence indicates that needle exchange programs do not encourage illegal drug use and can, in fact, be part of a comprehensive public health strategy to reduce drug use through effective referrals to drug treatment and counseling.
more than 75 percent of babies diagnosed with HIV/AIDS were infected as a direct or indirect result of injection drug use by a parent.

Let me repeat that in bold so you can re-read the statement.


Can you fucking believe that? I know the internet is full of assholes, I'm one of them. But even I wouldn't dare call myself a "moralists" and run around saying shit that is clearly smoke blown directly up my ass with a straw. These Moralist are full of shit because what they stand for is the exact opposite of any real morality.

Social conservatives demand purity even in the face of good policy... I know, shocking. I shouldn't be surprised but I am. It's like being surprised that the sun is coming out in the morning. But how dare they say that those AIDS babies must pay for their junkie parents' transgressions, isn't that right you fucking red neck hicks. Demand blood and pain. That's the ticket.

Needle exchanges? Fuck that! Why would you want the government encouraging the use of hard drugs, am I right? Around 2000, Sydney established the medically supervised injection center in King's Cross. It was intended as a trail to examine the effect of a supervised injecting room where one would have drug uers in the suburbs. After the usual stream of vitriol from conservatives and Sydney business owners about druggies filling up the streets, it was built and has been running for 8 years there down under. It's operated by Uniting Care, a part of the Uniting Church. Which is a bit of a surprise to see that at least Australian God botherers actually do that whole "help the unfortunate" and "do unto others" business that the churches here claim to.
The Sydney Medically Supervised Injecting Centre (MSIC) aims to reduce harm associated with illicit drug use by supervising injecting episodes that might otherwise occur in less safe circumstances such as public places or alone. Specifically, it is anticipated that supervising such injecting episodes will reduce the risk of morbidity and mortality associated with drug overdoses and transmission of blood-borne infections, while providing ready access to safe needle syringe disposal. It is also hoped that by extending the circumstances in which health professionals have contact with injecting drug users (IDUs) more, particularly those most "at risk", will be engaged with the health and social welfare system sooner than otherwise.

The Sydney MSIC is at 66 Darlinghurst Road Kings Cross, in the centre of the Kings Cross business district. Access is from Darlinghurst Road.

No drugs are sold or kept on the premises. Registered clients receive clean needles and equipment, and advice about their health.

The MSIC conducts tours of the premises for members of the public on a regular basis.

Here's a 2003 Report into the Center by the MSIC Evaluation Committee, and here's number of background articles and reports on the Centre up to 2008. The conclusions of the 2003 report include:

  • the MSIC made contact with its target population, including many who had no prior treatment for drug dependance
  • there was no detectable change in the heroin overdoses at the community level
  • a small number of overdoses managed at the MSIC may have been fatal if they had occured elsewhere
  • the MSIC made referrals for drug treatment, especially among frequent attendees
  • there was no increase in risk of blood borne virus transmission
  • there was no overall loss of public amenity
  • there was no increase in crime
  • the majority of the community accepted the MSIC initiative
  • the MSIC has afforded an opportunity to improve knowledge that can guide public health responses to drug injecting and its harms

Basically all the bullshit complaints against the center turned out to be wrong and it has had a measurably positive impact on the lives of people who had nowhere to turn to before. Since then the fine folks in Sydney have seen the installation of sharps containers in public bathrooms in the City and some positive steps to treat drug addiction as an illness and not a crime.

It's really simple. This shit works. Sadly they don't consider it in the states. Since 1989, Congress has restricted the use of federal funds for needle exchange programs. These are the same fuck ups and voters of fuck ups that opposes HPV vaccines. They also actively oppose vaccine use to control the spread of HPV in young girls because protecting them from a disease will make them more likely to fuck more, I guess. Who knows why really. Causation is usually hard but, for them, it may be REALLY simple. Just my read on their thoroughly idiotic reasoning.

I mean, as long as the baby survives long enough to be born, conservatives don't give a shit what happens after wards. Maybe the baby should pull itself up by its own bootstraps and develop a cure for aids, right? What kind of morons defend an unborn childs right to life but beyond that just doesn't give a fuck about its well being after. Introducing needle exchanges and free condom programs is pretty much the number one reason our government got HIV rates to some of the lowest in the world.


To assume that people will be encouraged to do more drugs is like saying that the presence of hospitals encourages people to take risks with their health. We might as well abolish medicine. It's really sad that the only time a conservative believes in darwinism is when it's misapplied to marginalized poor people.

I said it before, I'll say it again...


Saturday, December 26, 2009

Year In Auto-tune Rewiew

Year In Auto-tune Rewiew

Now that Christmas is over we're faced with the next week to not be slammed with Christmas cheer or the idea of going shopping for those loved ones, but to look back at the year that was 2009. There's going to be a slew of year end list, but perhaps this one that focuses on the media in 2009 will be fitting to run it through some heavy auto-tune.


Paranormal Activities By Unwanted House Guest

Paranormal Activities By Unwanted House Guest

The holidays are often filled with unwanted house guest and relatives who come and eat all your food, give you no privacy at all and just wreck the time you do have off from work. Dealing with family during the Holidays is just one of those things. Just be thankful that they eventually leave.

Unlike the person in this next latest viral video floating around. If you ever wondered why you're out of milk so fast or who ate the Chinese leftovers you had in the fridge.. wonder no loner. It aint the Ghost of Christmas Past, just so you know...

Now, let's be honest here. This video clip is fake. It's a take off of Paranormal Activities. But before you dismiss the whole incident as a completely unheard of event, perhaps you should take a look at this story that took place a couple of years ago in Tokyo.

Tokyo homeless woman lived in stranger's cupboard for a year

A homeless woman has been arrested after living undetected for almost a year in a tiny cupboard in a man's house in Japan. The woman, identified as 58-year-old Tatsuko Horikawa, was found by police searching the home of the man, who believed he lived alone in Fukuoka.

The resident of the house, who has not been named, became suspicious that he was the victim of repeat burglaries after he noticed food was going missing from his refrigerator. The man decided to install security cameras linked to his mobile phone and on Wednesday caught images of a woman walking around the house while he was out.

Believing he had detected the burglar, the man contacted police and, after an exhaustive search of the property, officers found the woman hiding in the top of a built-in cupboard designed to store bedding and mattresses.

Behind the sliding door, she had laid out a thin futon and had several plastic drinks bottles, police said. There was just enough room for her to lay down, they added.

"We searched the house, checking everywhere that someone could possibly hide," said Hiroki Itakura, a police spokesman. "When we slid open the closet door, there she was, curled up nervously on her side."

Horikawa told police that she had nowhere to live and had first taken up residence in the cupboard, in a room that the man rarely used, about one year previously when the owner of the house had gone out and not locked the door.

Police believe she may have moved between different addresses in the neighbourhood during her stowaway year.

The woman did not apparently steal any money or other items from the house, but did make use of the shower and toilet.

The police described Horikawa as looking neat and clean. She was charged with trespassing.

So before you start wishing for death to come to Uncle Bob, perhaps you should take a look at the people you're around and realize that they're a whole lot better knowing that at some point when the Holidays are over, they'll be gone. Unlike strange unwelcomed, unknown house guest that live in your cupboard and crawl space.

Friday, December 25, 2009

One More Christmas Cheer...

One More Christmas Cheer...

So.. it wasn't a great Christmas. In fact, as I sit here after dealing with the (ir)responsible party involved in the destruction of my car and with a bag full of Tamales.. I can safely say that this Christmas was terrible. Part of me wishes that I had just left earlier to arrowhead. Then again, if I did and there was no car, then there might be a whole in the front of my place.... It's bad enough I still need to find a contractor to take care of it, I sure don't need a hole in the front of it.

So here's one final Christmas cheer more importantly just felt the need to post a picture of Batman during the Holidays. You know he is our savior.

Or was that Santa who died for our sins?

Either way, Tuesday's coming, did you bring your coat?

Times like this I feel like just picking up my Calvin and Hobbes issues and crawling into a warm bed...

Because, like what happened with my car, Christmas is never really what you want it to be.

And chances are that the whole holiday will go up in smoke and blow up in your face. Even if you can't picture it how it's suppose to happen, it will still find a way to just end up going up in flames.

Especially if you get shitty presents....

Like say, someone plowing into your car. I've pretty much resigned it to being common knowledge that the street block near me is cursed. Not only was my car destroyed there, but it was also the spot a dog mauled a stray cat that I fed daily and was really close to me. And to a final note, it was also where I was almost killed once by taggers who caused a situation... God damn. That place is hell on Earth..

It's Christmas, can't we get a little peace on earth and good cheer up in this bitch?

82 Year Old Man Gets Knocked Down Or D-Day For War On Xmas

82 Year Old Man Gets Knocked Down Or D-Day For War On Xmas

Who would have thought that it would have happened on Christmas eve. I mean, this has to be a huge blow to Christians and all those on the religious side on this war on Christmas.... But when you push a Godless person too far with your pushing of the phrase "Merry Christmas" too far, you have no one to blame but yourself. We didn't start this war, we're only ending it.... In that we're going to push an 82 year old man down on the ground.

Oh yeah, we'll strike hard and fast at the motherfuckin' Symbol of your belief by pushing over the Pope.
VATICAN CITY – A woman jumped the barriers in St. Peter's Basilica and knocked down Pope Benedict XVI as he walked down the main aisle to begin Christmas Eve Mass on Thursday.

The 82-year-old pope quickly got up and was unhurt, said a Vatican spokesman, the Rev. Ciro Benedettini. Footage aired on Italy's RAI state TV showed a woman dressed in a red jumper vaulting over the wooden barriers and rushing the pope before being swarmed by bodyguards.

Benedettini said the woman who pushed the pope appeared to be mentally unstable and had been arrested by Vatican police. He said she also knocked down Cardinal Roger Etchegaray, who was taken to hospital for a check up.

After the incident, Benedict, flanked by tense bodyguards, resumed his walk to the basilica's main altar to start the Mass. He did appear somewhat shaken and leaned heavily on aides and an armrest as he sat down in his chair.

It was the second year in a row there was a security breach at the service. At the end of last year's Mass a woman who had jumped the barriers got close to the pope but was quickly blocked on the ground by security.
Where's your god, now? It's pretty clear that the first shot in the War on Christmas has been shot.. Then again, it's pretty clear that I have been making that same claim since October when this whole War on Christmas bullshit started up this year. Still, the shot was rung and some 82 year old former Nazi boy scout got knocked the fuck on his ass. Boooyah!

Maybe this chick really wasted a perfectly good moment. She should have hit him with a replica of St. Peter's to really keep in them with the recent attacks on heads of organizations that have been occurring over the past few weeks. Maybe it wasn't an attack though. I read Angels and Demons not too long ago and I think it had something about where if you knock down the pope that you get to be the pope. Maybe that's what she was doing.

It certainly can't mean that there's an atheist attacking her. This attack didn't convert anyone from Catholicism or anything. It's not like anyone saw the Pope fall and then realized that this woman has just shown them the folly of the sky wizard and renounced their strange belief in a God. And why is it that they always say the people who do these things are unstable. As if they are trying to discredit them. Atheist? Pffft, they're just a bunch of unstable teenagers.

I do wonder what Vatican prisons are like. Cause if they're anything like Mexican ones, you can get out of there by slipping them a $50 and promising not to do it again... only to get caught doing something else illegal an hour later and paying them another $50 to get out of there. God damn, Mexico sure is a pay-per-play state. Somehow I'm not sure that it's entirely all that safe to break the law in Vatican city. I mean, they're all about forgive and forget on paper, but you try calling them out on that in court and I'm sure you're not going to get your voice heard.

That is, if you even get a court date..

OH MY GOD! This just in - A second woman has just crashed into the Pope!... oh wait, that's actually true. This is the second one to do this since this thing happened last year, only it failed and the Pope didn't fall. Maybe they should really take a step back and look at their security measures.

You know what's pretty strange - the catholic church. Well, all of it in general. "Et cum spiritu tuo" is just one hell of a strange phrase. It translates to "And cum spirits on you". Maybe they where just reading my blog entry about having women just swallow cum already. Oh yes, take that Holy Spirit.

But you know what, Fuck Christmas. I'm just going to go ahead and declare a Jihad on Christmas. Even if you try to sugar coat it as a time for family, that's a load of bullshit. If you're such an anti-social person who can't get out of your cave that you need a mandatory day to talk to your family, you're a horrible person and you should just admit that you really don't like them enough to visit them on a regular basis.

I'll fully admit to being bullied into spending the Holidays with my family. I know I'm going to regret it when someone says I've put on a little weight or.. for that matter the whole act in going there in general. I didn't pick them and they sure as hell aren't very supportive. If Christmas is the time to be around those you care about, I sure did pick the wrong crowd. At the very least I'll end this Christmas Day on a high note.. That the war on Christmas is done with. We don't have to hear about this shit for another year. And most of all I don't have to hang around my family for some time to come.

If you need the guilt of giving to finally make you care about the suffering of those around you, and you can only give once a year, you're a pretty bad person. Shelters are crowded with volunteers on this day trying to help out those less fortunate than yourself. How about the rest of the time. I know I only bust this secret weapon out during Valentines Day, but what about the rest of the year to show the world you give a shit by volunteering your time on those non-peak days.

Fuck it, I'm going to go and get myself some Chinese food. I think I like doing that the most because it's, in the most basic forms, an Ironic gesture. Or at the least the most undesired thing to do on Christmas day. Yet it has always compelled me to want Chinese on these days when you're suppose to spend with family. Shit, it's not like I'm really going to miss Tamales. Give me some Chow Mein over getting tired of eating left over Tamales for the next two weeks.

Oh yeah. I should include a picture of the pope since this attack on him happened yesterday and all.

Fuck that dude.

#500 - The Milestone and End of The Line

#500 - The Milestone and End of The Line

Wow.. I just hit a pretty interesting mile marker.


As in I just wrote 500 blog post for the year so far. That's a lot of mindless ranting. Let me back up here and explain - In the beginning of November I noticed that my blog count was 440 for the year. Only 60 away from reaching 500 blogs postings for the year, which was a shit ton more than I had in all the years combined. Including the myspace days of my postings. Even during the writers strike did I not have this many post and I had nothing but free time then.

When 2008 turned to 2009 I told myself that I needed to sharpen my pen keyboard strokes and write more. It's the only way to get used to writing a lot... by writing. I told myself I would try to write a blog entry a day. Sometimes they were shorter than others. Often times they were just news pieces that I would openly mock in the same style of the Daily Show.

Every once in a while I would just post some video up and comment on it. As much as some would like to claim that I hide behind some wall of comedy, I think my feelings come through those entries and if you squint your eyes enough, you can see the real me behind all that sarcasm. Not to mention that a lot of times it was about something personal.

Not my car.. but that story is getting closer...

In short, I think I went up above beyond my original goal of writing one blog post a day. It doesn't take a smart person to figure that out since there's only 365 days in a year. So far this year I have expressed my opinions a great deal on this blog. I was once told by an ex that I had issues in which I didn't express myself or I skirted serious topics by using comedy. That my blog was proof of that as I would take the more satirical route or just talk beneath my intelligence. How much more wrong could they be? .But I guess I can see where they may get this idea given that I have had this side panel personal description up for a while now;
I barely know nothing about anything. I failed out of college, barely escaped numerous beatings in high school, and routinely require third party aid when attempting to use the garage door opener. I spend a majority of my day sitting in my basement, insulting teenagers over the Internet and sweating. I have absolutely nothing of value to offer, no provocative insights to lend, and am an utter failure when it comes to public speaking. There is absolutely no chance anybody could learn anything from this blog. I'll probably spend the majority of the time wasted while you look at this, drinking beer and avoiding questions
If you know anything about me or know me personally, you would just lump it to "Javi being Javi" with my typical over the top sarcastic nature. I never got beat up in high school (though I was and still am a nerd), I don't even have a garage door opener. While I do spend a lot of time insulting people on the internet, I usually don't have any concern or care about what we are actually fighting about. I should have been on the debate team.

As for the nothing of value to offer... Let's be frank, how many people have something to offer or make any sort of impact in the grand scheme of things. We are all tiny pixels on a 1080p television screen. I may be comical, but take what I say as entertainment. I would argue that I do have a lot of provocative insight on news that no one else is really reporting on. Will you learn from this blog? Yes. You'll take away news pieces that your local news station bypasses in order to bring you fluff pieces.

I still stand by the drinking part though, that's all me. But what this one person didn't notice is that within all those otherwise boring or very sarcastic blog post was my own opinion. You just had to open your eyes to see it in there. When I report on a news story and add in my own commentary, that's my opinion coming out. This is far more of an editorial than a straight news and current affair topic blog.

my type of humor!

I'm a little surprised that I made it to 500 before the end of the year. But it seems that this whole project/experiment was pretty interesting in getting me used to writing more. As this was, oddly enough, a side project to my everyday work schedule.

When something big happens in my life I tend to sneak it in here. Sometimes it's more noticeable than other times. But if you're on the look out for them, you will see my strong opinions just reach out there. Hell, half the time people ask me why I'm so angry. Not so. It's just me raging against the system.. or whatever is pissing me off. Take for example my Christmas.

Well.. My Christmas morning at least.

No, that is not a picture of two cars humping. They don't mate like that... not unless the person behind the wheel is drunk...

Yeah, now it's all starting to make sense now....

Around 4am I was startled by a huge ass boom sound. It appears that someone in their PJ's and slippers ran at break neck speed into my parked 2000 Honda Civic. Not only that, but the loud sound of the shattering glass was pretty scary. I thought they had crashed into my place or something at first.

This car was coming so fast that it pinned my car against a brick wall smashing the other side that didn't get the direct impact of the full on hit. Which also sent out my Yelp shot glasses flying out the window shattering, denting up a yelp lunch box, tossing everything i own in that car around and utterly destroying it in every possible way.

There was oil all over the floor. I felt bad that I just filled up the tank earlier that night as well. It was good to go for another long trip. Now.. it will never go on a trip, let alone short drive again. The first reaction by the on medication/drunk/DUI car crasher was "Baby, don't be mad.. My insurance will pay for the damages, I'll get your car fixed."

At this point I don't know what I felt. She called her boyfriend or husband - I really can't remember - and I had gone inside again and called the cops to come take a report. She was still there, not like her car could get really far anyway, and it looked like they were doing the whole sobriety test on her and she was failing badly. Her husband/boyfriend came down after she had called him and he was none to pleased with the situation of her plowing into a parked car.

I've just spent the last couple of hours cleaning out the inside of my car. I really don't know what to say about this. Yes, insurance is there for a reason. But the Honda is totaled. I'm looking to get the blue book base value off this and then what? I'm stuck looking for a new car now. All those memories. Almost a decade of driving that car and now that's all gone. No more opening the passenger door for the lady anymore... then again, it's the only door that still opens.

It is sort of ironic that this 2000 model of the Civic which is now 9 years and 11 months never got to see the next decade of 2010. It really is sad and at 8am here, with no sleep and a glass of scotch on the rocks, I'm just curious as to why me and why tonight. Christmas Day gives me the biggest lump of coal I could possibly ever get on Christmas morning.

I seriously can't wait for this decade to be done with. It's clear that very little to no one is coming out of this one alive. The car was the first causality in this Joss Whedonesque story line. Or perhaps I should just look at this as an even bigger clean slate. I have to get a new car now (well, not new new, but still new to me!) so that means I need to break it in with a road trip. American South West has been on my mind since I had to travel from Florida to L.A. in 2003. So maybe I'll make another run at it and enjoy the sights again.

That is if I'm even alive to see it. What a merry fucking Christmas this has been so far. Now if you don't mind I need to finish my second glass of scotch.. So to 5,000 more.. Cause really, I enjoy writing, so while this 500 for the year thus far is impressive, there;s far too many stupid websites and news pieces out there that I have yet to make fun of.