With Halloween only a week away I still don't have any idea what I will be dressed as. Then again, it's this time of year and so far I haven't raged against the Halloween costume marketing machine for only making outfits that have "sexy" in front of them, or for that matter just look completely awful in every way.
I've gotten over the idea of going against the idea of a sexy costume. While it may be an excuse to show off your body, it is exactly that. An excuse to show off ones body. People will be wearing very little to nothing. As a guy I should encourage that. I mean, it is to my benefit to drool over, right? Sure, I could get my girlfriend to wear something "sexy" for such a festive holiday that was once meant for children to receive candy. Though I would hope that she'd be willing to wear that on days that aren't filled with trick or treating and behind closed doors that will only let me enjoy what she's wearing..
But enough about that boasting, let's get on to the real meat and potatoes here. Me bashing Halloween costumes a week before Halloween. I recently stumbled upon a site that offers the worst in costume for hire. It's the Halloween gift that keeps giving when you think about it. These, Ladies and Gentlemen, are the ultimate in Halloween apparel via Dublin Costumes best of the best in truly awful costumes with such classic costumes as:
Binliner Roman!
What child will not like to see their parents dressed as Shrek!
I had to question the usefulness of this one. I mean, is this a Stripper cop? This one looks like they dressed a New York bum in the costume and took his picture in exchange for a sandwich.
Let's not forget the real movie stars that all the kids want to dress as. Namely C3PO!
I assume they are making money off these. Do you remember that Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark story about the scarecrow when you were a kid?
It looks like he came to life and is now called Bob the Builder.
But don't think we're done yet. I don't know if you've heard about this little known War that is taking place in the Stars, but this is what they call a Storm Trooper.
Oh yeah, you'll get mad pussy dressed in that one. But hey, you'll be catching all that booty as a Poke Mon.
See, Poke Mon Monster. So when you tell the ladies what you're dressed as and they don't believe you or just think you're being crude, you show them your clothing tag.
How about this PLANET APE costume. There's no "Of The" in that, by the way. It's like he's judging you. Like if he's better than you.
Fucking Ape.
But who wants to get more tail than this costumed character;
Spreading the good word on wrapping it up for countless years now. Hey, who knows. You may even be able to pick up the hot ladies like this fine honey;
I know, you don't want to dress like a woman. Not even a fat one. Why not a traditional Halloween costume like Batman?
Wait a minute...
When he's alone it's Batman, but with Robin, he becomes Bat Hero? Looks like someone doesn't want to get sued.
Then you have this $1,300 costume of a crow with downs.
http://partywiththis.com/product.php?productid=18906
I mean, that's gotta be money well spent. Though I would gladly wear this next costume to a convention as long as I could spend the whole time getting really close to people and not saying anything.
I wouldn't even have to hold a sign advertising "Free Hugs", they'll be an automatic given with so many arms.
No way will I have to wear this Darth Vader in his juicy couture sweatpants costume.
The force is not with this man. But at least he's not as scary as The Tin Man
It's even more terrifying than seeing him on High Definition Blu Ray.
But let's get back to reality here...
That smile... That smile could seduce Mother Teresa.
Ah, yes. I do remember fondly the story of...
That has to be an error in translation. Why would you want to call it Alice in Wonder Place? I mean, it's not even copyrighted any more. The story is public domain. Don't be scared that Disney will get you. On the other hand, I should take this moment to point out that Alice or Dorothy style dresses.. yeah, those hit the spot just right.
Ok, back to Halloween costumes. Here's Homer groping Marge. Which is really top on my list of awesomely awful costumes.
But this next costume.. I'm not even sure. It's suppose to be considered "Sexy" and all, but I can just imagine having to explain your costume to people, which will get frustrating at a party very quickly.
Who're you supposed to be?
Hot cherry pie.
You're...a pie?
Y-yes?
Why do you have an apron?
Well...'cause...I guess I'm not really a pie, I'm like...a baker...
You do have a crust, though.
I guess it'd be...both, then?
So you're like an amalgam of the pie itself and the person who makes the pie?
That's the closest approximation. Look, is this turning you on or isn't it!?
Then again, it does look like it is made out of Human flesh.
Yeah, I'm not sure anyone wants to go as a Duck with a bladder problem.
Or as Pedo-stach Garfield...er i mean Garfy..
Good Grief! That last costume is just awful. Why doesn't Snoop Dog have a microphone? That clearly isn't the D-o- double G that we're all used to.
In the end, it really doesn't matter what you dress up as Halloween. It's a holiday that is mainly for kids and those who want to continue being a kid. I'm reaching my 30's. and I suppose I shouldn't really care what I'm dressed as, right? As long as there's plenty of "Sexy ______" around that aren't tired of being a kid.. or at least slutty looking to provide as visual treats, then perhaps it would be a typical Halloween in the City of Angels.
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